Love struck me, and the one person I was so convinced to know me so well believed in some lies of me someone I have no right to dispute against told her. I was willing to give my life away to make her happy, and it seems now like it is going to be that way whether I want it or not anymore, just only the first part. Who knows, maybe she will be happy. And if she does, maybe it's best for her to continue believing in the lies someone else thought was good for her to believe in. So that's why I've not been able to find inspiration to write anything like I used to and finish. The last few poems has been much less than what I would rather them have been, to show more beautiful sides of love to inspire others to smile through the days.

I am sorry. *sighs and smiles* And thank you to all the people who have tried to encourage me to keep writing. For those like feralvulkir, I will write again, hopefully soon. Eventually. *grins* yeah. Everything I see around me still seems always so full of color and life, even the smell of the trees simply as I step out to the streets. But I find it hard to gather my thoughts anymore, not to mention to write. I don't know how much longer of this may last, but like I know most people know that a true lost love can hurt in a numbing way for a long time, I know I will probably write again *smiles*. There is no one in my life anymore now. There hasn't been for a long while. Maybe it's a good thing.

There was actually no one in my life when I first started writing, living on my own and year after the one person who was once important to me was left dying in a hospital bed. Her name is Itala Kucsera. I used to just believe in goodness in people, but she taught me to see it in not just people, but everything around me. The poem below was one of her last poems written before her life took a less fortunate turn. She was a good friend of mine and someone I cared about very much as well. She was the reason I started writing, and in hopes that my poems will help live on the many beautiful stories she have bestowed onto those of imagination and understanding.

My tears are falling while missing you so much,
My lips are smiling while imagining your face,
My heart is beating while thinking of you.

So I am walking with tears in my eyes,
Smile on my lips and with beating heart all the days,
And I dream every night about to be in your arms feeling your body and soul.
People think I am ill or absent minded,
But I am in love,
Deeply with you.

02/27/07


*grins* yeah, a love poem, and that's the theme I took on to counter all the angst love poems here on deviantart, by showing people the beautiful sides of the one thing in this world that can break anyone. My first girlfriend influenced my writing a year or two ago, as some people actually observed *laughs*, as did my second girlfriend. But after all that, and the most hurtful thing I've came to still trying to mend, is where I no longer have the will to write, for a little while. I just want to apologize for the people who have been anticipating more of my poems in the last few months, and got nothing despite my assurances that may have passed for promises. *grins* I will write again.

Sometimes, maybe promises are better left unsaid.